“… all the time in the world”

(From previous blog, unedited)

Continuing with the theme of my older works here is another piece from a couple years back I did with a more exaggerated touch.

Write a light-hearted and entertaining article, intended for publication in a magazine aimed at young people, in response to the phrase “…all the time in the world”.

It is truly a remarkable phenomenon watching the youth waste away their lives worrying about their status on social media (i.e. Twitter, Facebook, etc). You are creating a vortex of unnecessary anxiety that once you get sucked into there is no escape. I have the seen the future my dear readers, and it is a zombie apocalypse. Now, wait- just give me a moment to explain. Don’t click off the browser yet, because I have no doubt that you’re reading this online – and to the readers at home actually holding a newspaper – get with the times. But seriously, the zombie apocalypse is our future, and to clarify I don’t mean the kind you see in movies or video games or that dreadful show on AMC “The Walking Dead”. Basically, anything that’s not still-moving rotting flesh.
     So, what do I mean when I say ‘zombie apocalypse’!? I mean my generation and future generations to come. A day has not gone by in the last five or so years where I haven’t seen at least one person from my generation (or younger) walk while staring down at their phone like a mindless drone. They squander the gift of life, procrastinating, delaying the inevitable. They indeed, have “all the time in the world”, but do not know how to use it.
     Bombarded with entertainment system after entertainment system, new technological feats and discoveries, internet trends and various other types of peer pressure, and addictions – it’s no wonder they can’t escape their mundane routine: wake up, check phone, get dressed, check phone, eat breakfast, turn on TV/computer, check phone, leave house, check phone while walking/driving, etc…
     It’s a frenzy of pointless exercises that only act as burdens. Sure, phones were made to communicate long distances, but they’ve evolved past that. Now the new smartphones are capable of doing just about anything – from apps to music to games to ordering online to yes, even telling time. I can’t wrap my head around why this is the “norm”. Is it normal to needlessly check your phone every two seconds for the time or a text you’ve no doubt given ‘The Good, The Bad & The Ugly’ theme as a ringtone?
     Maybe it’s just me. Maybe I’m the problem and everyone else is experiencing some amazing new drug that gives them precognitive abilities, but only when they look at their phone. I can’t get the feeling that this is just the beginning. That the worst has yet to come. Just because you have “all the time in the world” doesn’t mean you should waste it writing articles about having all the time in the world…
     (Ahem). Look, what I’m trying to get across is that maybe take a break. Try something new. It doesn’t have to be something insane like skydiving – although if you do go skydiving be sure to use your Go-Pro and record yourself doing flips and spins – it just needs to be a different experience, because ultimately that’s what life is all about. Experiences. If you could just put down the phone (and the spare one in your pocket), turn off the TV and computer and just go for a walk. Think your legs are still capable of performing such an enormous undertaking as to move your lifeless body out into the yellow rays of light, known in some circles as “sunlight”? Splendid.
     Fret not, you may revisit your devices when you have returned from no less than a thirty (yes, I said thirty) minute walk. Achieve that and I’ll consider getting you that new iPhone coming out in November. After all, you have all the time in the world.
     Anyway, back to what I was saying earlier. We’re doomed.
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